The Art of Item7 hunting

1) *hostel setting,hungry male students seen around*

Bro Jonas : I am inviting you guys cordially to my church for a special program taking place tomorrow tagged “Be ye filled in the spirit”
Students : *ignores*
Bro Jonas : So are you guys coming ?
GaIus : No
Bro Jonas : Why ?
John : Well,that’s ’cause,right now, we’ll rather attend a program tagged “Be ye filled in the BELLY”
Bro Jonas : Brothers, I understand fully. ITEM 7 go dey na.
Gaius: Serious? When is the program starting?!!!!! WE MUST COME

*Bro Jonas leaves*
John : I’m confused. Don’t you have class tomorrow?
Gaius : Oboy, fashi dat class . Na where my belle face, I dey go

2) *it’s Saturday*
John : Oboy , guys wetin I go chop? What did you guys cook?
Gaiuis : Do we look like your girlfriends to you ? Fuck outta here!

*Karo strolls in,smiling,with a piece of paper in his hands*

John: Nigga, why have you got a smile on ? You no know say boys dey H for here?
Karo: Nigga,chill
Gaius: Chill for where? Wen we dey roast for here..
Karo: I know, I know…..that’s why I came in to invite you guys to a wedding. Reception’s in 25 minutes.
John: *snatches paper from Karo* Lemme see that *reads paper* nice. We fit trek there sef.

*they go to the wedding,they eat enough food to last two days*

Gaius: Thanks man. I haven’t eaten a decent meal in months.
Karo: We go dey do dis every Saturday. Weddings equal free lunch and dinner.
Gaius: What do you mean? Isn’t the bride your cousin?
Karo: Cousin ke? I don’t even know who she is.
John: And you were acting like you were a long-lost cousin…
Gaius: We even got extra food.. *laughs* They probably believed your little story
John: *laughing* Oh I remember. You were like “my mother’s brother eldest son got married to your father’s sister first cousin’s last daughter …….. from the maternal side”
Karo: Then she had that confused look *grins*
Gaius: You be bad guy. Next Saturday,I’ll be somebody’s long-lost primary schoolmate who was in the same class with their younger sister
John: *laughing hysterically* All for Item7
Karo: That’s the hustle , my niggas .Even free lunch comes at a cost,however little.

Vreaders (that’s what I called my readers,FYI) , what’s up? I hope you enjoyed the introduction. It basically sums up the whole post. Well, let me start by giving you an insight into the origin of the term “Item7” .
Item7 originated from programs of parties (weddings,birthdays and all) that , more often than not , have the words “Menu Menu Menu” printed at item number seven. This refers to food.
Item7 hunting refers to a situation (usually on Saturdays) when a group of hungry young men ( usually students ) decide to take advantage of a free gift of nature ( or free gift of culture,lol ) by celebrating with unknown party organisers.
Item7 is a free gift because it’s a constant at parties.No party is complete without the Item7.This is why Item7 is usually towards the end of the party.
There are certain skills that need to be acquired before one goes on Item7 hunting.They include:

1)Timing
Timing is important as the motive of the young man is to maximize resources,one of which is time.The guy makes sure he goes very late towards the end so he gets exactly what he came for without having to participate in “irrelevant” activities.

2) Patience
This is known to all experts in the field.You don’t just go to a party and expect them to give you food (especially since you don’t look familiar).And you don’t want to draw unnecessary attention(as you’re uninvited), so you ask calmly for your food.

3) “Sharpness”
The fact that you need to be patience does not mean they tell you to pass food and you pass and pass till it gets finished …and you don’t have your own. Nah! That’s not being patient,that’s being a “bolo” .So you get what I mean by sharpness.

4)Outlook
You need to give them a proper outlook,that is , a smile on your face, proper dress and all. You don’t go there looking like a beggar. Remember it’s a food hunting expedition , you’re NOT begging. But don’t over-do things and be too conspicuous.

5)NO MERCY!!!!
Well, you know what to do if you’re told to serve yourself in a buffet. Remember ” no carry last”.

Item7 is not always sought after.It can be used as a bait . Religious bodies already know this as a rule of thumb that students can’t be forced into coming to their program but can be enticed with promises of Item7 as can be seen in the first part of the post.
Different denominations organise religious fresher’s parties and you’d see students attending up to three places of worship a day ( stalites inclusive) just to maximise ( economists,hello).

Item7 hunting is most times not really about the food.It’s the thrill and the exhiliration in it that keeps young men going back to weddings every week. To get the main idea, you should watch the video of “Mogbo Moya” by Tunde and Wunmi Obe .

I hope to see you on Saturday at the next wedding applying these skills . Happy hunting!

@herovickers

PS
My first song’s going to be released on sifon’s blog soon!!!!!! Anticipate!

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Author: herovickers

Just an introvert witha wide imagination

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