Vread the part 2 of monster’s grief
Stuck in the abyss again
So deep, getting high couldn’t ease the pain
This fall is fatal, can’t even face the
Image of myself in the mirror, shameful!
Was so grateful , that I had control
Then I realised that I was my foe
I lost my focus, couldn’t face facts
Repeated same acts, that knocked me comatose
Now, I’m on my toes, screaming and gasping for air
Expecting the ladder to appear ’cause I have been there
A thousand times already, ready to start the journey again
Again, I had everything to lose and nothing to gain
“This is the last time” , I said that the last time
And before that , I’m beyond sad on how I spend my pastime
Tears dropping like rain, ’cause of fear, anguish and pain
Like a titanic passenger panicking before She capsized
This is my last fight, facing myself
Like Scott Pilgrim, it all seems grim
My reflection stares back at me, it’s horrific
There’s a hanging rope above and we can’t reach it
Without falling in, there goes the last piece of hope
This needs to be fixed, where is Olivia Pope
Only way for us to cope is for us both to stay put
Cause winners only exist in folklores and fables
THIS IS REAL LIFE, full of shock and pain
Where the battle with yourself is a constant K
Till your hair turns grey, let the heavens shake
From the power in your will, to let hell loose…Hey!
This one is a lot different from the first one as it appears impersonal, ambiguous and I didn’t name-drop any of my friends. It was meant to be like that.
I was trying to fight an addiction and countless times, I decided I needed to control my desire and stop that instant. And countless times, I fell and had to start the climb again.
At times, after convincing myself to stop , I’d say “one more, then no more”. How many times I did that? I’ve lost count. Some other times, I count streaks, then I get too excited about making progress and cut myself some slack. Then its back to ground zero, back to square one.
Sad, isn’t it?
The problem was that I had believed that once I made the decision , the addiction would go away that instant , like there was a genie somewhere granting wishes of people trying to end their addiction . So, I’d let my guard down believing it was easy.
It isn’t easy.
Once you’re hooked, really hooked on something , it becomes a lifetime of detaching yourself from it.
The moment you realise that is when you start the climb to rise above your downfall. That’s when you start laying the bricks to build your Rome.
So you don’t relax, you keep working constantly at it. Gradually, you start to gain control till you reach a point where you feel you’ve escaped your prison of addiction fully. Even then, you have to realise it’s a continuous battle, so you don’t fall again.
That’s a lot of words explaining a not-such-wordy rap verse. Such much can be said in so little rhymes, don’t you agree?