Monster’s Grief 2

Vread the part 2 of monster’s grief

Stuck in the abyss again
So deep, getting high couldn’t ease the pain
This fall is fatal, can’t even face the
Image of myself in the mirror, shameful!
Was so grateful , that I had control
Then I realised that I was my foe
I lost my focus, couldn’t face facts
Repeated same acts, that knocked me comatose
Now, I’m on my toes, screaming and gasping for air
Expecting the ladder to appear ’cause I have been there
A thousand times already, ready to start the journey again
Again, I had everything to lose and nothing to gain
“This is the last time” , I said that the last time
And before that , I’m beyond sad on how I spend my pastime
Tears dropping like rain, ’cause of fear, anguish and pain
Like a titanic passenger panicking before She capsized
This is my last fight, facing myself
Like Scott Pilgrim, it all seems grim
My reflection stares back at me, it’s horrific
There’s a hanging rope above and we can’t reach it
Without falling in, there goes the last piece of hope
This needs to be fixed, where is Olivia Pope
Only way for us to cope is for us both to stay put
Cause winners only exist in folklores and fables
THIS IS REAL LIFE, full of shock and pain
Where the battle with yourself is a constant K
Till your hair turns grey, let the heavens shake
From the power in your will, to let hell loose…Hey!

This one is a lot different from the first one as it appears impersonal, ambiguous and I didn’t name-drop any of my friends. It was meant to be like that.
I was trying to fight an addiction and countless times, I decided I needed to control my desire and stop that instant. And countless times, I fell and had to start the climb again.
At times, after convincing myself to stop , I’d say “one more, then no more”. How many times I did that? I’ve lost count. Some other times, I count streaks, then I get too excited about making progress and cut myself some slack. Then its back to ground zero, back to square one.
Sad, isn’t it?
The problem was that I had believed that once I made the decision , the addiction would go away that instant , like there was a genie somewhere granting wishes of people trying to end their addiction . So, I’d let my guard down believing it was easy.
It isn’t easy.
Once you’re hooked, really hooked on something , it becomes a lifetime of detaching yourself from it.
The moment you realise that is when you start the climb to rise above your downfall. That’s when you start laying the bricks to build your Rome.
So you don’t relax, you keep working constantly at it. Gradually, you start to gain control till you reach a point where you feel you’ve escaped your prison of addiction fully. Even then, you have to realise it’s a continuous battle, so you don’t fall again.

That’s a lot of words explaining a not-such-wordy rap verse. Such much can be said in so little rhymes, don’t you agree?

monster’s grief

Vread,

Hey, I’m Vickers and I’m depressed
I went from bragging that I’m the best
To producers being never impressed
With my raps,I’m looked upon as a pest
It’s really sad ’cause , I give it my all
Is it my fault, I don’t have Pryme’s voice
Or IcePrince’s swag or rap like Skales
Rap’s a maze,I’m tryna find my pace
Always getting complaints like the customer care
I shouldn’t be pissed,it shows the customer cares
Some of my peers say I can’t summon ideas
Well, the truth is only told by someone that cares
I respect critics, is why I listen to Kris
I expect friends to speak, if they aint feeling my shit
But my best friends are yes men, yes man I’m pissed
Not at them, just pissed at me
I thought rap would give me great fame and fortune
But all I ever got was straight face and fuck you
So in this light, I tried to quit twice
Sifon showed the insight, I gotta ignite
Now I’m a monster like Beats by Dre it feels right
Long as I can still write, aint quiting this fight
“Focus on the mic, get your shit right
And the ladies will be psyched whenver you’re in sight”
They used to say that my flow’s dead
And that I rapped like I’m tone deaf
Hope you are ready fo’ the TV and the radio
If you don’t wannt hear me yo, GO DEAF!

Months ago I had a frustrating experience. I couldn’t move on till I wrote this. I just let the insecurity, anger , self doubt and disappointment out. And it made me realise that, once you begin to admit your weaknesses, right then you can start to see your strength ( as evident in the final part ).
The best friends part is annoying (there’s another monster’s grief about that). You expect them to be honest but no, they don’t want to hurt you. That’s stupid.
Which is why I respect critics ( especially the ones who seek to attack you ). :p

Real stuff right there.

I’m back

Vreaders, it’s been months since a post has been made on here. So why am I back, reviving this failed attempt at becoming another “blogger” ?
Well,there’s not much you can do when you’re on a break except to play video games , watch series , write lyrics and have conversations with your imaginary hot supermodel girlfriend 😦

*sigh*