This Conversation Never Happened | Flash Fiction

Her face was a sad portrait and her eyes were pregnant with tears. “Vincent, I did not know you felt that way. Now I’m sad.”

Advertisements

He took out two marijuana joints from the breast pocket of his jacket and offered her one.
“Oh, thanks,” she said, “but I don’t smoke anymore.” She shrugged.
“Really, Alice? Okay.” He put the joints back in his pocket. “Then I won’t smoke either.”
“Whatever. Do you.” Alice rolled her eyes. “So, how is life treating you, Vincent?”
Vincent sighed. “Well, that’s a tough question.”
“Well, you’re a tough guy. You can answer it.” She patted his hands and gave him that smile he had missed so much.
Vincent took a long look around. It was quiet. Around him were empty stadium seats. The place was peaceful and brought back memories of many smoking sessions with Alice. He had missed this.
Alice was still smiling at him expecting him to say something. He really had missed that smile a lot. That smile brought him more calm than the marijuana in his pockets could ever do.
“So? How is life?”
“Don’t you miss this, Alice? Don’t you miss when life was so simple and we had all the time in the world to sit here and get high all weekend? Now it’s all so complex.”
“Complex? What are you talking about? Your life is good. I think.”
Vincent shrugged. “Alice you know what?” He said, taking out the joints from his pocket. “I’m gonna smoke.”
“Me too, please.”
Then they both laughed.
They smoked in silence for what seemed like eternity, then Vincent killed his joint and said, “My life is really fucked up. I used to think I needed money to be happy. Now I’m working and earning more than a decent pay but I’m still depressed.”
“Hold on.” She killed her joint and started talking giggling ,“what… the… fuck…is … in this joint?” Her eyes were small and bloodied.
“Oh, just normal stuff. Your tolerance must be pretty low, right now. Giving up the habit and all.”
She giggled. “Oh yeah, you’re right. Smart guy.” Then her expression became serious. “You were saying you were depressed. You never seemed that way to me.”
“Of course. I was always hiding my feelings . I thought that would make me strong. But I realize only the bravest of people can be honest about their feelings.”
“Well you’re right.” Alice said.
“Of course, I’m right. I even had low self-esteem. I did not realize this until last year, though. I was thinking back about my life one day and I realized I had so many opportunities I could have taken but didn’t because I was scared.”
“Like what?”
“Like you.” He said, matter-of-factly. “I liked you more than a smoke buddy but I couldn’t say it. I just wanted to be safe even though it was burning me inside.”
“Oh Vincent…” She started.
“It’s okay.” Vincent cut in. “It’s not just that. The music, too. That’s my passion, you know. I could have pursued it. I had all the resources. But I was too worried about people’s opinion about my songs to think about what I really wanted.”
Her face was a sad portrait and her eyes were pregnant with tears. “Vincent, I did not know you felt that way. Now I’m sad.”
“Hey come on, Alice. You look like you are about to cry.” He patted her hands like she did his before. “It was a long time ago. And I think it reflected in every area of my life. Wanting something but not going for it. My life became a pattern.” He paused then said, “just like yours.”
She looked him straight in the eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Oh yes. Your life is a pattern too. You always…” He stopped and reached into his pocket. “You know what? I can’t do this. You want some more weed?”
“No! Fucking talk! What do you mean my life is a pattern?”
“Okay. Well, I’ll be honest. You are narcissistic. You are wild. And you don’t care if it destroys you. Because you can always get a quick fix and then go back to living carefree as before.”
“Oh wow.” She said, her voice rising. “Because you have got your life figured out now, you think you can judge me. My God. This was a mistake.”
“No, I’m not judging you. I’m just saying the truth. Looking at you, you seem very confident. With the perfect make-up and all. But inside you’re a little girl who needs help. And I want to help you. But the minute I do, you run away and ignore me for a while until your life needs fixing and you call Vincent because he’s always there and we meet up. Just like this meet up. It was your idea. After how many years of ignoring my messages and calls? ”
She had a frown on her face and stopped listening to him. She was texting on her phone and was fuming like a chimney.
Vincent continued talking regardless, “I knew you’d take this the wrong way but you can’t keep running to me anytime you have a problem and ignoring me when I help you get through it. It’s not fair on either of us.”
She got up and started walking down towards the stadium exit.
Vincent got up and called after her. “Seriously, Alice? I just broke the pattern by being honest and you’re uncomfortable with it. That’s all.”
She did not as much as flinch. She just kept walking till she bent a corner and he could not see her any more.
Then he brought out another marijuana joint from his pocket and started smoking like that awkward conversation did not just happen.

Sweet Surrender

I’ve been fighting
In a war
That does not concern me,
A suffering grass
Shadowboxing an elephant
That did not trample on me.
A foolish bull
Rushing head on at a brick wall
Again and again.
Ten years a slave
To this insanity.
I’m tired, I’m spent.
My Pharaoh’s heart is softened.
Today,
I lay down my sword.

-Victor

Dear Kronos, I am not fooled 

Dear Kronos, I’m not fooled.

You see I’ve been here so many times that I know your M. O. Trust me. But this time, you overdid yourself. I just gotta write this letter.

It’s crazy how you act like you are in total control of time ( well you actually are )  and you just bitch around with it.

Sometimes I just want to win and you make it very difficult. It’s so crazy that I think there’s no chance of winning.

Then you give me a little chance at joy like a little drop of water from Lazarus’ finger to the Biblical proverbial rich man. Oh, what elation! Oh what ecstacy!

And I forget the bad times and bask in the light at tunnel’s end. And then…

You do it again!

You take away all the light like a black hole and plunge me into the bottomless pit and leave me spiraling out of control and out of my mind.

It’s a stupid and vicious cycle, really. I understand.

So I’m surprised why for a while you have just left me happy without a downturn. Like you have forgotten that you have to make everything bad again. Like this is how it’s always going to be.

But I know you, Oh Kronos, I know you. You’re just bidding your time, trying lull me into a false sense of security before you pull your most wicked heist yet, you joy thief!

See I’m not scared of your scythe, in fact I’m ready for it. This letter is just the final step in amouring myself with non-chalance.

So you can do what you like Kronos.  I don’t care anymore.

-Victor

Thanks for reading guys, and check out my new video

Take Me Away (For Mary) 

Mary


Take me away 
Even for a moment 
Take me to that heavenly sanctuary 
Where you elope with all your lovers 
Take me with you as you jet into the sky 
Even though, I’ll be back before it is night 
Take me away, Mary
I can’t deal with this haunting emptiness 
Take me away, my love 
My thoughts are full of plagues and pestilence 
Take me where time doesn’t matter 
And matter times out 
Take me, with your fiery kiss
That reddens up my eyes 
Burn, burn, Mary 
As I rise in your smoke 
Like Abel’s sacrifice 
Straight to the most
High. 

-herovickers 

Check out my new video SMH –  Vickers. 

Image source 

“But I Am No Better” –  Why Bas Is My New Favourite Rapper 

“Too High To Riot” album art

It must have the fifth listen or the tenth listen, I don’t know; Bas  “Too High To Riot”  track from the “Too High To Riot” album was playing and Bas dope flow had me nodding my head, vibing as Bas cursed out “all the leaders that’s too high off power” and do dirt in hiding ; then he said “But I am no better” and everything quieted down. 

And the words kept echoing in my mind for the next hour while the album played in the background. 

It’s just five words but it set me thinking that here’s he’s being conscious but he’s not just putting the blame on the leaders, he’s also taking responsibility and a share in the blame.

That honesty is what made me listen to the album with fresh ears  then I realized that Riot is neither a conscious hiphop album nor a drug rap album but a regular-person album with a protagonist that’s caught between these two labels. 

That’s what made it so relatable. It’s not an album made to fit a label or a tag. It just resonated with me and I picked different aspects I could relate to. 

The honesty has to be the central theme for the album. I don’t think I have listened to any body of work that I could almost completely relate to,  like this, in a while. It’s almost like he took all the words out of my mouth. 

And that’s why he’s my favourite rapper now ☺. 

Thanks for reading and you should check out “Too High To Riot.”

Empty (Part 3) – Heavy Dirty Soul 

Because this dark cloud doesn’t ever leave me alone 
Life tests F-ed me up and had me eating a stone 

 

I feel empty but my soul’s heavy 
Imprisoned with no one to pay my soul’s levy
I tried to push my problems up a vertical slope 
But it crashed down on me and shattered my hope 
I’m crowned with fear and garbed in doubt 
My throne is filled with thorns but I’m too numb to shout 
Despair is my sceptre and my kingdom is pain 
I’m the king of losers and it pours when I reign 
Because this dark cloud doesn’t ever leave me alone 
Life tests F-ed me up and had me eating a stone 
Life would throw me a bone and throw me to the dogs 
Water me till I’m grown then cut me for logs 
They say when you’re down, you need fear no fall 
But I’m spiralling down the bottomless with no pit stops
Then it stopped but I shattered my feet 
My blood is ice-cold now and my heart doesn’t beat. 
Empty

– herovickers 

Hello. It’s been a long while since I walked these WordPress streets. I’ve got a couple more posts coming too, so watch this space. 

I don’t really have much to say about this “Empty.” It’s just me… I mean…the character moping as usual. 

You should check out previous instalments of “Empty” : 

Thanks. 


 

No backseat driving, please. 

“… art should not strive to be perfect, it should just be honest”

​“Would you look over Picasso’s shoulder
And tell him about his brush strokes?”

-Dr. Dre, Deep Water

Hello, I started off the post with the above lyric from Dr. Dre because I don’t think it could have been said better than that. 

People giving unsolicited opinions is one situation that cannot be avoided when one makes art and the issue of where to draw the line is always going to pop up at different times of one’s journey as an artist.

Picture a situation in which you are an excellent artist and you have made a great piece of art that resonates with the people and you went viral or blew up and now it’s time for you to make the next great piece of art. 

Now here comes the sophomore album dilemma :  which direction do you go? Do you go with the numerous fans who would be screaming they want more of the old stuff, you have your team telling to switch up your style, you have your sponsors dictating the next direction you should go and you have your soul telling you to just…do…you.

Ha! This is where the line gets blurred. If you decide to not listen to any one and just…do…you, it is seen by others as hubris, pride, overconfidence whereas you see it as keeping your artist integrity. I mean, the main reason they all love your work in the first place was because it was YOUR work, right?

I often think along that line. See, I am a very stubborn writer. I do not like to edit. Matter of fact, I do not show my team my work until it is done. Like I cannot show you my rhymes when I’m in the middle of the piece and you’ll tell me to change one line and just mess up the creative process for me. So when I’m done and I show you and even if “we” are not going to put that out, then I rip apart the piece of work( not literally) and get on another one rather than have you edit my message. See pretty stubborn.

There are a few reasons why artists are stubborn about you “ruining” their creative process. One is the fact that anything that gets put out automatically has your name attached to it-you’re the artist. So whatever you put out is what you’ll be judged by and you have a responsibility for your art. You should be able to defend your art and the reason why you made it.

Another reason is the creative process differs from person to person. For example, I like to discuss with the team only before and after the creation and never during, because it ruins everything. I feel like whatever I create should either be accepted or not. There is no place for turning back to revise or edit.

This is because I believe art should be flawed. Not flawed like grammatical errors or things like that. I mean, it should have that imperfection that is a constant trait in all humans. I mean, art should not strive to be perfect, it should just be honest. 

Well, I make a very good argument, don’t I? While all of the above is true, it is also very important for the artist to listen to other people’s opinions too if for no reason than the fact that the art is made for the people. Granted art is meant to be a personal thing. But it has to be shared. 

The artist is just one person who looks at things from his own perspective which is always flawed. The artist needs to also see others’ perspective of things, too. 

But this is where the problem lies. Who does the artist listen to? Is it every Tom, Dick and Harry with an opinion that he should listen to? Is it okay to listen to critics and change your content based on their own (also flawed because…human) views? There are situations where your sponsor has a different standpoint from yours but need you to create something that makes it seem like you have the same point of view as they do.

This brings us to the question: is the artist a product also? And where do we begin to separate the art from the artist?

These are questions that I cannot answer for you.

So I’ll end this post with:

“Don’t answer that, let these thoughts flood your mind uh

And let the message sink in. ”

-Vickers, Some Random Freestyle 

PS

  • Shout out Duchez.
  • And #SMH is coming 

The Future 

I’m no bird of the air, I think about tomorrow
Oxy-moronic dreamer because reality is filled with sorrow
Acquiring aspirations is auto asphyxiation
When your rise to the top leads to Sisyphus’ situation

The future is bright, the future is bleak
I don’t see the path that leads to the peak
I need a miracle, they told me 3:16
How do I believe in Him when I don’t believe in me?

I’m no bird of the air, I think about tomorrow
Oxy-moronic dreamer because reality is filled with sorrow
Acquiring aspirations is auto asphyxiation
When your rise to the top leads to Sisyphus’ situation

In this Stygian under-world of ours that overflows
With broken dreams, and hope it seems never abode
The spear of despair pierce through my soul
When the game is rigged, how do I get to my goal?

But the glint in my father’s eyes when he looks at me with pride
Lights up my heart and shows the path where hope resides
Selflessness lifts off this gloom as if by compulsion
I have no choice in the matter : failure is not an option

-Eronmosele

Free? | Parzival’s Shadow

Universal truth
Can be universal lie
Is your earth flat or round?

Free?
Can we ever be free ?
Can we ever see
Past the limits
Of our eyes?
Are we so wise?
Are we so free
When the freedom
Is a
Prison
?
The truth shall set you free?
The truth that lies in you?
Universal truth
Can be universal lie
Is your earth flat or round?
Can we ever be free?
In theory,
We can achieve the objective
The truth is not a template
You have to custom it
By chasing it, seeking it
But it has no end
It’s a journey.

That Year

But the past is gone like a bus you missed
And staring after it only takes away
Your attention from the limo of bliss
The present, the chauffeur of the better day

That year was way better than what we have
My green eyes yearn for the days in stories
Told by my father- Oh I wish we could have
Those days back, we have lost all our glories

The very bright days have turned into gloom
Division by class and tribe is the norm
Corruption built a mansion on this room
So how we do we stand when we face the storm

But the past is gone like a bus you missed
And staring after it only takes away
Your attention from the limo of bliss
The present, the chauffeur of the better day

   So look to the future and don’t backtrack
   Change today – That year is not coming back

– herovickers | Angry Young Man

 

Hello vreader.

This is a piece for a poetry compilation I entered for (I hope I get selected!) Anyway the real motive of writing this is to consider that even if we have to look back and compare and talk about how things are worse off now ( which I do a lot as Angry Young Man), we also need to look at the present so we don’t get so caught up in the problem that we do not see the solution.
But this does not mean we should not remind ourselves of what we is prevalent (because there are so many distractions) because if we do not, we forget and we cannot even remember where to start fixing the problems from.
Angry Young Man is not the stereotypical rebel who rebels just because ( and like I always say ‘This isn’t politically motivated’) . There is a goal here, and it does not matter if the goal gets fulfilled in our lifetime, the point is we’ll never stop and we’ll keep fighting to the end.

Thanks for reading.